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What Can I Do If My House Is Not Selling? (Satire)

Thursday, October 31, 2019   /   by Dixie Simon

What Can I Do If My House Is Not Selling? (Satire)

You’ve had your house on the market for a while now, and you’re asking yourself, “why isn’t my house selling?”  People sniff around, but no one is biting.  What’s going on?!?

Yes, the market can have and may have a lot to do with it, but houses do sell, so there’s probably more than the market at play here. It could be your Realtor as you say, or your Realtor may be hoping you will fire him or her because of your refusal to listen. We hear My Real Estate Agent Sucks all the time-This is a possibility, but before we jump to conclusions, let's look in the mirror below, and then we’ll talk. Do you know how hard it is to tell someone their house stinks or that having dog hair 2 inches thick along the floorboard and stairs is disgusting and will not work? Your Realtor will be as honest with you as you are accepting.

So here are some glances into the mirror. 

·         You’re Charging Too Much, and your Realtor tried to tell you.

·         No Curb Appeal-the heaps of garbage bags over there by the patio- don’t invite people but critters.

·         Your House is Cluttered Inside-There are very few things easier than hanging up a jacket, putting your shoes together on the back porch, picking up socks and washing your plate and fork.  

·         Your House more than cluttered, it is a Mess-what don’t you get? Open your Eyes? A huge sink of smelly, dirty dishes is gross. messy-kitchen_gg62084326.jpg

·         It Looks Like Your Home, Not Mine- It's simple, really. Buyers need to be able to see the walls, the floor, the house, not your “stuff.” How can they visualize living there when they are too busy stepping over God knows what? 

·         You Stay While Potential Buyers Look at the House-This is a real deal-breaker for most buyers. They are uncomfortable with you hovering around. They want to leave as quickly as possible. Next!

· ·    Your Place is All Busted Up-What the Heck have you been doing to the walls? Who lives like this? I don't understand. 

·         You’re Still Doing Work on It-You are in the middle of your 10-year fixer-upper project and can't understand why no one wants to buy your dream/vision?

·         You Have “Unique” Tastes-Putting it nicely, you are a freaking nut job. No one wants your home because it will take them forever to recover the home from insanity before they could ever move in. 

The one that aggravates and possibly even angers me is Grammy. You need to move Grammy to a safe place before you try to sell the house of 75 years out from under her. It's heartbreaking for her, and no one wants to kick Grammy to the curb, and Grammy has a lot of "good" crap. Most potential buyers would like to move in sometime in their lifetime, and when all of Grammy's life is there before them, the buyer has checked out.


Come on, People. It is not ALWAYS the Realtor. You need to get on the stick. Clean up, freshen up, be ready to get out, take care of Grammy first. 
Somethings should make sense, but honestly, not all people have common sense so I am helping you out here. I try not to judge people. I do try to be honest at the beginning of a listing appointment. I let people know what they are going need to do to be ready to list the home. Most people are not like the above scenarios. The ones who are often are trying to blame someone else for their shortcomings. I know this, and it makes me thankful for people who care for their homes. A little TLC goes a long way to change the outcome of life in general. 


All I'm saying is before spreading a bunch of nasty rumors around about your realtor who is not a miracle worker and (we all know that when you are pointing at someone else, 4 fingers are pointing back at you), Look in the mirror and ask yourself: Am I doing what the professional suggested?

Rant Over and thanks for listening/reading.

Dixie Simon
Haven Real Estate Group
Cell: 509-385-4441

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Haven Real Estate Group
Cambria Henry
304 W Pacific Ave; Suite 360
Spokane, WA 99201
509-590-4701

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